Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
