he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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