The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
