I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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