On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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