Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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