he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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