She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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