Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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