Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
