U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
