Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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