from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
