1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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