In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
