I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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