This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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