I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
