piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
