just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
