Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
