I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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