I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
