hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
