sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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