her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
