Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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