So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hippo gnu deer
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
