im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My hand turned me down
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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