Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it glows. i had to have it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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