I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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