fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
