you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she was so not down for the gang bang
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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