Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
