In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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