I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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