Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
