I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
