before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
