I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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