i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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