Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
