Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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