she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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