I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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