ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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