We're like a lot better than the average bears
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
