We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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