I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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