i think my tv is drunk
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
